i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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