used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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