i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
