You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
