he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
