do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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