Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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