You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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