Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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