A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
