how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
