everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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