Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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