awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
