I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
