If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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