it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
