Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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