She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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