Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
