well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
