tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
