I looked at my own cervix.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
