i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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