Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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