Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You're like the curious george of whores
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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