she looked like the before picture.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
