she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
