I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
