If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
