Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
