I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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