YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
