Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
