can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
