Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
