Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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