I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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