he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
