I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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