Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
