would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
