I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
