Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
