I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
