we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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