I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
