So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
