He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
