I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
