Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
