After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
